I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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