Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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