If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
