Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bring me that man meat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
