all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
