You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize