tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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