so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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