just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
