I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
