im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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