Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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