apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
