We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have feelings that need drinking.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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