p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
