whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone shit on the floor
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
