someone threw a dead crab at me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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