3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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