Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
