Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
