all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Did I show you my penis last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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