nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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