Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
