Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
