I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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