Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
