How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
a search helicopter?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize