Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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