I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
