is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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