Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
