She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
