We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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