I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
