There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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