I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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