She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
