Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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