Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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