you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
