It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
