its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
