K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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