I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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