I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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