i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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