I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
