She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
