I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The uberlube is also flammable
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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