went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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