those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
