we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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