all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
