I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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