I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
