I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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