By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
