the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
