my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
