i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
