Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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