she woke up with a sticky ear
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
