I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
