I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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