Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
