Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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