The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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