I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
