Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
