It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
