Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
