we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
