Dude my mom stole all your condoms
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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