...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
