Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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