The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
