I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I checked into jail on foursquare
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize