I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just had sex bonerless
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
