i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
