her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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