careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
