Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
