I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
