Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
