The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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