I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
