Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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