Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
