Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
