Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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