3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize