Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
