i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
